the second time around…

It’s worse than Christmas Eve waiting for Christmas to arrive because I don’t know the date of when little love will make his grand entrance into the world.

— Proverbs 3:5 “Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and do not trust in your own understanding…”

I had this verse memorized before I was 4 feet tall and it is a verse which Lord has again and again instructed me, sung over me, and encouraged me. And this Scripture continues to keep my focus on HIM as we wait wait wait for Grafton.

I don’t know how often I will be able to write posts, but here’s the thing – I do know I want to share candidly with y’all about the experience of having two little men. It’s taken me a long time to KNOW I wanted to SHARE it with you. I don’t want everything to come across as the gospel; I want it to be me sharing with you replying. I want it to be sister to sister, mom to mom, friend to friend. Nothing like expert to (well,…. whatever the opposite of expert is.)

I already so eagerly anticipate this life-change. There’s a sense in which I know what to expect; I have ‘done this before.’ And there is a realer sense in which I am embarking into a new life that I know mostly know mostly nothing about. I have never had two children before.

I remember other kind people encouragingly telling me that nannying would so prepare me for motherhood. And, maybe it did. But I didn’t always feel prepared, knowledgeable, adequate from nannying. I felt NEW to being a mom.

And I think in the same way that I even could think, oh, I’ve done this before – been a mom – and to a boy (for going on two years now… 🙂 – this is preparation and completely not preparation for being a mom to two little lives.

So I enter this new life (whenever he comes!!!) excitedly AND humbly. I hold very open-handedly before the Lord my plans and thoughts and patterns for how I think the day may ought to go. I pray the Lord holds me together with whatever the day gifts us.

And I hope to share how the Lord holds me together, how the Lord takes care of my little men, the ways in which the Lord gifts us and grows us through this monumental life-change that – on an unknown, trusting in the Lord with all my heart day  – soon will be my day to day.

leland captured a photo of my every-growing middle
leland captured a photo of my every-growing middle
any day now
this was the other morning, … any day now
my sister and me; she’s 19 weeks pregnant; i’m 38 weeks

 

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One thought on “the second time around…

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