house and a home

** for my family and friends, I wrote this post a few weeks ago… before all of the craziness **

 

I don’t know for how long but probably for too long, at least all throughout the summer, I have been scanning – no, scouring – the real estate market in and around Raleigh for THE home. the next home, the home we can afford, the pretty home, the home with one more space for our growing family, THE home.

And it got to a point – it’s still there, honestly – that I was exasperated and Tyler was exasperated and it’s all a BIT premature anyways, this whole searching for our next home.

But every day I go through this, “oh I love my home, I don’t want to move – this is where we brought our babies home and this is where we love. We love the floors and the sink and the cabinets…” and then I think, “but we are growing out of here and I feel it each time I don’t have the space I want for this toy and and please I want a leeeetle more sunshine in our home, and just one more room, and a fenced-in back yard for goodness sake!”

I don’t want to give up all of the wonderfulness of the home we live in, that we moved into years ago, pre-baby, pre all of this life that we are in…

And at the same time I want to move.

So, because I was getting us all in a tizzy, I asked the Lord about it. I asked Him to search my heart and make heads and tails of it, because I couldn’t. Was this a healthy this or a ridiculous thing? Was it anxiety or was it productive?

I think it’s all mixed together and swirled around at different times of the day and depending on the realistic nature of, well, my emotions, the property, and the still firm fact that it’s premature to move and that we think we might should stay even through the 3rd pregnancy and bringing home baby #3, which by the way, I am not pregnant, and only only only by God’s grace will He give us a third child. So there’s all of that.

Where I have landed – what the Lord has sifted through and laid out for me – is this :

1) truly no home, this home or that home, is THE home, because, baby girl, My Home for You is THE home. Remember that… this is a shadow, a scattered beam, a taste, a prequel and enjoy your home, wherever it is, as it ought to be enjoyed…

2) the pictures that you see of properties listed are not life lived. you will be in whatever home. and that means bad days and bad attitudes, dirty floors and smudged windows. It means happy messes and toys scattered, it means dinner cooked and dinner needing to be cleaned, day in and day out, over and over again. whatever and wherever the house, you will be there, living life. (just to reiterate, it will no longer be ‘kept’ for the photo shoot)

3) the above statement needs to sink in for you, darlin…

4) when Tyler is gone, you are in your house much much more than when he is home (for whatever reason this is, it is always the truth) know that and pace yourself. because whether it is 1500 sq ft or 50000000000 sq ft you will still be contained among the walls and may get restless. that’s ok, just pace yourself.

5) godliness with contentment is great gain. a woman builds her house with wisdom, filling it with all kinds of riches. — focus on building a lasting home, in love and care with wisdom and in contentment. great gain will be enjoyed, now and for eternity.

6) the reason you feel the need to move is because you are the homemaker. nobody else hears your thoughts over too-cluttered cabinets or not–perfectly-organized-the-way-you-want-it closets. (thank goodness for that) and don’t let them. out of the overflow of your heart, your mouth speaks. *convicting* sure, it’s ok to shoot the breeze and mention a property listing, but grumbling, complaining, and the sort are not not not allowed. Replace that mess with gratitude and thanksgiving.

…. surely there are so many other little lessons, mined in funny circumstances with my children and through conversations with my husband. But this is the list that surfaced and this is what I am looking at, laid out, pondering, thanking the Lord for even in this small thing – bless my heart, I have a roof over my head, what more could a girl ask for!? – He teaches me His great goodness.

Praise God from whom all blessings flow, every little every little every little jot and tittle.

4 thoughts on “house and a home

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