almost three years ago, i remember driving – heart racing – down the road, down six forks, onto 440, too early in the morning, mom in the passenger seat, water broken. tyler’s in the matt papa van, flying down the road, he’s going to meet me at the hospital. he doesn’t sleep until the next day.
baby is coming. coming soon… coming today. and leland tyler was born.
another year and almost 12 more months, tyler and i take a sunday drive, – oh this is what it’s like, husband with you, a little more slowly, contractions quickening – down capital, onto 440, another life soon on this side of the womb,…
son is coming. grafton raleigh, welcome, little love.
not yet another year, down six forks, onto 440, tyler and i drive to the doctor. though this time, the road is unfamiliar…
we learn …. i carried twins, …. and the Lord carried them to heaven, with Jesus.
I’ve driven down capital and six forks, along 440, and even to Rex again and again. I was born at Rex, in Raleigh, and I’ve lived here all of my life.
We soon move to a new house, a bit bigger, with a fenced in green back yard on a cul-de-sac, off of six forks road, and we are staying in Raleigh.
it’s familiar, and it’s where the Lord has kept us.
And even though I have lived here my whole life, and watched Raleigh grow up as I have grown, the Lord has time and time again taken me to new places, places that are unfamiliar and scary, hard places and sad places and places that remind me, Raleigh is not Home.
The road He leads me along doesn’t take me simply through Raleigh, it’s taking me to the lasting city… the heavenly one that will be more real than any place familiar.
This road that seems like a detour is the straight path the Lord prepared and purposed for me before the beginning of time.
I cannot see what’s in front of me… yet I acknowledge Him, the Path Maker. Still I will trust Him, not my own understanding. A mystery, one day revealed. And I will see Him face to face.
So, lead me on. Please, God, please lead me on. all the way Home.
He will never leave me nor forsake me. Darkness covers, but Dawn wins. The Light is breaking. Breaking the sadness, the darkness, Light has broken Death. the Way walked all over Death. Life conquered Death. He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life.
Though my heart aches at death’s carnage, my heart does not break – Life wins. and holds me together. Life holds my littles. and every little jot and title of our lives, through all of eternity.
Christ is Life, the Hope of Glory. Life is our Glory and our Good.
and one day, on that Day, The Day, when the sun rises once and for all, Son Shining, in an open space, His green space full of grace, exactly where He has led me this entire road, I will behold Jesus. My All in All. and I will hold my littles, living, and I’ll be more alive than I have ever experienced.
… Grace is both the road and the driver. and when I turn my eyes from the blind way of seeing, and when I let my eyes of faith truly see the world, when I fix fix fix fix my eyes on Jesus, I see grace – grace everywhere. And He is my Strength and my Eyes. He is my Provision, my Driver, my Way, my All in all. And I see He created the World, He sustains the World, He saved the World, and one day, there will be a new heaven and a new earth, a new world,… grace.
And I give thanks. sacrifices of praise. through my fear, I hold onto Love. and Love dashes my fear to pieces. remnants, but not Reality. And the reality is, Love holds onto me, leading me all the way.
As I give thanks, as I pray for strength and grace, He gives immeasurably more than I could have ever imagined… friends and family and faith enveloping me, holding my hand, walking with me…
I go forward, on the road, to the lasting city, to the most-real Real, to heaven, to Jesus, face to face, I pray, take me… lead me… road steep and long, rocky and dark, death’s carnage, fears remnants, conquered by Christ on the Cross… I count it a privilege to share in the sufferings of Christ, a tender glimpse into the pain Jesus endured with joy for my good and His Glory… so that I could be welcomed “Come in, darling love” through heaven’s light-filled doors, into wide open spaces…
and we named them Strength and Grace.
and on that Day, I will hold Strength and Grace, the Sovereign Good, as He holds me even now. and I will hold Strength and Grace, our littles…
and in a similar way when I look at the Cross which was supposed only to bring death and see Life, as I drive along six forks which was only supposed to be a road home, I remember heaven, Home.