With my boys’ pregnancies, the ‘sick’ didn’t stop the first day of the second trimester… and this pregnancy was no different.
I was feeling better though; there was less creeping and more normal eating. I still would move in and out of nervousness and excitement, feeling the weight, feeling the reality, feeling the fact that this life is inside of me, but this life is not up to me.
I want it all – every little jot and tittle – each week, each development, each day – to be up to the LORD. HE is Sovereign and HE is Good. Sometimes the idea that everything, the good, the bad, the hard, the ugly, the mundane, each mystery, is up to the LORD is a hard idea to wrap my mind around. But just think – who else would you want it to be up to? Who else would you want in charge? Who else would you want to order the universe? order the day to day? order each development? order the inward parts and order your soul? Only the LORD.
We traveled – Orange Beach. Home. Nashville. Ridgecrest. Home for a day. Oriental. Caswell. 32 days of traveling. 5 different places. different beds. different landscapes. different people. different food. lots and lots of road.
We travel with Tyler, who helps to lead worship through music (he plays electric guitar) and he takes care of the band, takes care of us.
It’s our calling and our heart cry. The boys and I get to do the fun stuff, including watching daddy help to lead people into the throne room of God. fun + awesome. these weeks are pivotal weeks in the lives of the students, parents, pastors, and staff represented. these are the summer days that some of these souls will remember for eternity.
Each day, each event, each person present – ordered by the Sovereign, Good Lord. Only the Lord. And we get to engage and enjoy.
We came home on a Wednesday afternoon, started the laundry, and ordered a pizza. The next day came, and early that morning we all piled back into the truck and headed to the doctor’s office. Along the way, we asked each other – what if they find something not right? what if something is not right? – and we answered each other before the Lord, life is lived this way. in faith. in hope. We are always doing the next thing this way. [This is no different. (We just feel it.)] So with our faith resting only in HIM, our hope settled in the LORD, we walked through Wilkerson’s doors.
We saw a heart beat. Bless the Lord.
We saw a baby. Lord, thank you.
We saw legs and arms and a head – a face that looks like daddy’s.
We saw it all together. We saw life. Grace upon Grace.
We are having another boy. another brother. another little man.
He gives and He gives and He gives again.
Only the Lord could have ordered this story – this life – this day – this moment of discovery, elation, exhaling, and praise. He’s true in giving and He’s true in taking away. He’s true for happy days and He’s true for hard days. He’s true in death and He’s true in life. He is the Only True Sovereign Good Lord.